Tuesday, April 23, 2013

"Man, I bet you lose a ton of weight during marathon training!!"


I love talking with people who are interested in running.  It's obviously a passion of mine that I truly enjoy sharing with others.  Some people are surprised at the answers I give them to their questions, so I thought I'd put together a list of a few things that aren't so glamorous about this sport I love so much.  I should clarify that all of these are based on my own personal experiences.  Keeping in mind that I'm about as real as they come...if you don't want to read about poop or missing toenails, stop reading here.

10 Things That Aren't So Glamorous About Marathon Training
  1. "Man, I bet you lose a ton of weight during marathon training!!" - HAHA. Wrong.  This is a tricky one for me personally.  I've never been a naturally thin person so it is a daily battle to stay in shape.  When you start entering the final few weeks of training it becomes even harder.  To spare you a really long and boring explanation....as you're mileage goes up, so does your appetite.  Also, your body starts to naturally store MORE glycogen (energy/carbs/sugars) in the latter weeks because it is smart enough to know that you're going to need it for those long runs.  My body appreciates the extra glycogen storage on those long runs, my skinny jeans on the other days do not appreciate it.  At all.        
  2. I'm willing to bet that the homeless people of Dallas have nicer looking feet than I do.  I haven't had a pedicure in months.  Why?  As relaxing and enjoyable as they are, do you know how hard I've worked to get calluses on my feet?  Calluses = blister protection ladies and gentleman.  Not to mention, when you have water ski feet like myself, you have to keep your toenails extra short.  Why?  Because black toenails are no laughing matter.  Safety first for your feet folks, safety first.  (Oh, did I mention bunions?....almost as cool as FunYuns)  I'm sexy and I know it.
  3. The need to hydrate and drink unearthly amounts of water every day can be downright nauseating.  I drink about 150 oz per day which results in me spending the majority of the day in the bathroom.  Seriously considering just moving my office into the bathroom. 
  4. One of the things people ask about most or wonder about is "People don't really poop their pants do they?!".  The answer to that is why yes, yes they do.  However, it has not happened to me.  Thank God.  A few close calls admittedly.  Watching what you eat during the 48 hours leading up to long runs/races so you don't crap your pants, is a vital part of training.  Which leads me to my next topic..... 
  5. Port-O-Potties!  I used to be like every other female and would gag in disgust at the thought of using a port-o-potty.  Nowadays, I can get in and out of the ol Johnny-On-The-Spot using only the tip of my pinkie to open and shut the door.  I've mastered the art of squat and do your business.  Although squatting after running 18+ miles is no easy ask, your main objective then is to just not fall over during said squat.  I no longer fear the Port-O-Potty, it can be your best friend....reference back to #4.
  6. A long run on Saturday = giving up doing anything remotely fun on a Friday night.  I always say that marathon training is a family commitment.  I am SO thankful my husband fully supports me and deals with all of these things with me.   
  7. The last few weeks of training I am always tired....all the time.  Which makes me extra cranky. (sorry Brandon)
  8. I'm also hungry.....all the time.  It's constant.  I eat anywhere between 2,000-2,200 calories per day.  Obviously I'm not stuffing my face with cheeseburgers to meet those numbers, so I feel like I'm constantly eating.  Being hungry also makes me very cranky (sorry Brandon) so travel with snacks.  I'm like a toddler.  If Nalgene made a sippy cup, I'd own one. 
  9. For the ladies: Aunt Flo just shows up whenever the hell she wants to.   Oh, so you mean the exhaustion and the aching muscles and joints weren't enough?!  As if there was ever a doubt, God was totally a dude.   Well played universe, well played.
  10. Die Bagel. Die. That's how I feel about bagels.  I only continue to tolerate them because they sit well in my stomach.  Again, reference #4 for any additional questions.  I fully plan to boycott bagels once San Francisco is over.
In a lot of ways, I compare the last few weeks of training to what I can only imagine its like to be 9  months pregnant.  You're tired, you're hungry, something always hurts, your body starts to do weird things, and you're just beyond ready for the "big event" to finally arrive.  Difference is, I get a big shiny medal afterwards and you get a screaming baby.  Mothers really should get a medal after birthing a child, surely there is some birth control company out there that would sponsor that, right?!

Do yourself a favor and watch this.  It's all true...so true.